As most of you know, I got engaged a while back and have moved back to Jordan. All in one fell swoop, I like to make big changes at once!
Since moving back to Jordan, I have had to listen to endless advice about how to be a good bride to be…and sometimes it makes me crazy. Some of the advice I have been given is just downright ridiculous and some has been very helpful.
I have also been scrutinized to no end about my clothing, hair style, word, and sock choices.
So, I have devised a survival list for future brides-to-be who just aren’t that into the whole “wedding thing”
1. Find a great guy who can sympathize with you, now that sounds like “a duh” thing but it’s not. Obviously to be a bride you have to find a groom (Captain Obvious, I know) but it’s important to find someone who is understanding and willing to listen to you whine for hours on end about how unfair it is to be a bride and all the work and focus is on you and not him. (Hear that, Mr. Chemistry? I’m kidding!)
2. After said groom has been secured, put down ground rules for your relationship. As in, what will be shared with other people, what won’t and I know this is taboo but discuss money and what can be afforded. Don’t just assume that the other person will do what you want because it doesn’t work that way.
3. Laugh and I believe this is the most important one. Learn to laugh about things, your family, his family, things people say and don’t get bogged down by it. For example, at the engagement party a lady came up to me and informed me that I don’t know how to dance. I’m not sure who this lady was but I decided to laugh about it. I know I can’t dance and only have to do it for another 2 events! It’s a fun story to tell now!
4. Go out, a lot! It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy or expensive…you need time together, alone. Some of my happiest moments with Mr. Chemistry are when we are out walking around looking for apartments, al-balad (downtown Amman) or sitting in a coffee shop. Not to say that we haven’t had other happy moments but those tend to stand out.
5. Blame things on your fiance. I’m not saying this in a bad way, but in a good way. When I went to get my hair and make-up done for the kattab al kitab (Islamic Marriage Ceremony) I said that I didn’t want much make-up and the lady hemmed and hawed about how I needed more but when I told her that Mr. Chemistry doesn’t like make-up she was silent. If I don’t like something, it’s the end of the world but if I say that my fiance doesn’t, it’s no big deal! So, I have learned to use him as an excuse and it works….most of the time. This. Is. Not. To. Be. Abused.
6. Accept the fact that your wedding isn’t going to be all about you, it’s about the guests, the girls who want to get married, their mothers, and for the countless cousins, aunts and uncles that you didn’t know you had to meet again. Now, you can make your wedding as much about you as you want but it just doesn’t always work as planned.
7. Be yourself, don’t change who you are for your future in-laws or husband/wife because in the end, you have to deal with yourself. Yes, certain things will change but not everything and it isn’t fair to either of you.
8. Enjoy the time with your family, you will become a part of a new family, new traditions and new memories to make. Family is one of the most important things in this world and time spent with them is time well spent.
9. As much as I dislike the advice given sometimes, listen to it and take what applies to you. Not every marriage is the same and never will be. Don’t compare your relationships to others, it doesn’t work.
10. Don’t over share, a good friend of mine gave me this advice and I have taken it to heart. No one needs to know what he calls you, no one wants to know that you talk for a billion hours each night or that you both have an addiction to chocolate. It’s between the both of you and people tend to use it against you or twist it for their our pleasure.
I’m sure those who have been married or engaged longer than I have can add more to this but this is just a beginning…I’m sure when and if you get engaged/married you will have your own list.
I look forward to see how these next few months go!