Home Sick

Lately, I have been finding myself extremely homesick.

Home is hard to define. Is it the place I grew up? The place my family lives? Where I have the most friends? Where I feel I belong?

The longer I live and the more places I live, I have found that it isn’t about the place. It’s about the feeling when I come home…That feeling of security, comfort, familiarity and warmth.

It has to do with the furniture and smells. I find that certain things have to be present in my home for me to feel comfortable. Like, pictures. They just remind me of the good times, family and comfort. My shoes, they must have a home…a place to sleep and play.

It’s not just about my things. I need my routines. I must have  my place to buy certain things from, a place to buy clothes, eat ice cream, play pool and just hang out. It takes time to create these things, find my groove. Fit my idea of home into this new place.

I have been able to find my groove in Jordan. My pictures are displayed, my shoes have a home and I have found a place to buy clothes from. I know where I like to buy ice cream from and where I like to shop for various house hold items but the thing I didn’t count on was the fact that I would miss my family this much and knowing what to expect when I come home to see my family, I know my mom’s fridge will be full of soda, green tea, waffles  and she usually stocks up on  my favorite junk food (Bad, but soooo good!).

When I lived in the US, I lived in a different state than my mom and the rest of my family. I missed them but I used to visit each month or sometimes less and I had daily conversations with my mom. I find that I miss those visits, and I miss my daily conversations with my mom the most. I can’t share with her the mundane things that happen in my life. Like, the great deal I got on a sweater, the fact that I found cherry coke in Jordan or how to cook something. I can’t share these things with her because I have to factor in time difference, phone cards and appropriate times to call. These things weren’t a factor when I lived there…because I could just pick up the phone and call. I could drive 4 hours and be there…Now, I can’t do that.

And that has been the hardest thing about living in Jordan. The fact that I miss my family and can’t just hop into my car and see them. Pictures are here, shoes are comfortable…but family, isn’t.

That is home to me, knowing that I can see my family whenever I want to and knowing what to expect when I come home.

What do you miss about home?

4 thoughts on “Home Sick

  1. Join the club 🙂
    I know exactly how you feel. It doesn’t matter how busy your day was or even how fun it was, the reality is as soon as you go back to your apartment you feel the heat of homesickness. It is very harsh but you will get used to it by time. Reading and writing in my case are the best companions.
    I miss my family of course and other activities I used to do in Jordan but not in the US. Being in the US for 8 years I had to have new friends which are now my best friends. But of course can’t replace family.

    1. Yay! I’m a part of a club 🙂

      Yeah, it’s the reverse…I guess. I miss the US and you miss Jordan, want to trade places?

      I am working on meeting people here and just getting accustomed to things but I never realized it would be this hard. You never can replace family, that is for sure.

      I have found things that have made me feel more at home but still…it’s that nagging feeling in the back of my head.

  2. The time difference is the worst thing!

    I was fortunate to go to the US for a couple of months with a friend from Jordan. And what made a huge difference was having someone to speak Arabic with. We were both very busy at that time, and the mere ability to share a conversation in the end of a long day in Arabic was soooo relaxing. I guess I just can’t speak my heart out in English…

    Just hang on there, make new friends, we could meet someday… 🙂

    1. Yes, that has been the hardest! Just adjusting my times to send messages and call has been hard.

      Well, I hope that was a good experience. To be honest, English is easier for me to communicate my feelings in and explain things…So, it has been a challenge trying to explain myself in Arabic constantly…I’m not used to it! I enjoy speaking it because it’s important but on the other hand, english is so much easier!

      I’m trying to hang in there and meet new people but it’s hard! Expectactions of a friend are completely different and I’m stuck in-between two worlds….yes, that would be fun 🙂

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