I’m bi-racial, shocked? I didn’t think so. My mom is American and my father is Arab. Typical Story, to be honest. They met in college…got married…had me! No, wait…they had my brother first!
I have lived in Jordan and America almost equally but I will always be stuck in-between. I will never be all American nor will I be all Arab.
The older I get, the more I realize that…it doesn’t matter where I fit but who I am. Tell that to a confused 12 year old. It’s hard to grasp because all you want to do is fit in and be like everyone else but in the end…I figured it out.
I was talking to my student, I teach English on the side, and he was telling me that being bi-racial should be seen as a benefit. “You already think outside of the box” because I am technically “outside of the box” I’m more of a triangle thinker.
I have found it to be a benefit. I like to think that I see the world a little differently and it gives me insight into different cultures that most people don’t understand or only understand a part of it. Some people are shocked when I tell them I am bi-racial…others know it just by looking at me. It doesn’t matter how you find out, what matters is how I am treated.
I have met various people who have similar backgrounds as me…and most of them get it. It’s like we have a secret code and no one understands except us…We live in a world where we are constantly on the edge just waiting for someone to call us a fraud…call me out on my half-ness.
There are times when people tell me that I am “too American” apparently, reading is an American habit or that I am “too Arab” because I like to sit on the floor, which I am doing right now, but if I am “too Arab” or “too American” can’t I be “too Samar”? because all of these habits make up who I am and not who I am supposed to represent.
I’m just me, Samar. A Muslim Arab American and that is all I want to be.
Who do you want to be?