Category Archives: Sanity

It’s been a month

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First, Happy New Years! I hope 2013 was fruitful and fulfilling for all and that 2014 brings more fruit and fulfillment. 

It has been a month since we brought home Mr. Handsome..A WHOLE MONTH! I can’t believe time has flown by so fast. I’m just amazed. 

So, I would like to share with you what I have learned in this month.

1. I never knew I could love someone so much that it hurts to be away from them. 

2. I never knew that I could love my husband so much more after seeing him with our son. 

3. Babies are messy. They spit up, throw up, pee, and poop constantly. It’s never-ending. Aren’t they supposed to be just cute? I mean, where did all this messy stuff come from.

4. They grow so fast. I mean, really really fast. One day my kid is swimming in his clothes and the next they are tight.

5. When Mr. Handsome smiles at me, my whole body melts. 

6. Sleep is hard to get when you constantly worry that your infant isn’t breathing. I literally check every 5 minutes. 

7. Babies don’t like water. He screams bloody murder every time we give him a bath. 

8. It gets easier as time passes. 

9. People give a lot of bad advice. 

10. I have learned that having a child does become manageable.

I look forward to more months with Mr. Handsome. Can’t wait to see what this new addition to our family brings. 

How to stay together forever

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This post was going around facebook a couple of weeks ago. 

 

 

 

old couple

It’s sweet really. I think older couples have a lot of wisdom to give but that isn’t what caught my eye. It was the comments following the post. Some were legitimate, like abuse but others were just excuses. We live in a different time, we don’t have the same ideals, we don’t have the same societal restrictions. I understand that everyone has their reasons for getting a divorce or staying together but relationships are hard work. Whether they are friendships, family or marriage. It takes time and effort to build these things and they shouldn’t be taken lightly. 

It’s sometimes easier to just take the easy way out than try to work things out. Now, sometimes the easy way out is to stay together and just be unhappy. I have seen many couples fall into that trap but sometimes you just need a little hard work. Is there a universal answer as to how to make a marriage work? I don’t think so because every marriage is different. Can we gain insight from other people? Of course. Do I have all the answers? No, but I sure am learning. 

What do you think? 

Coward

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I have heard this word a lot lately from various women I know. It seemed like a common thread among them. A sort of code for something bigger and scarier than they wanted to admit.

I dislike the word, no dislike is too nice. I despise the word. I feel like it’s a way to lower your value. Make it seem like what you are doing is okay because “Hey, I’m a coward”. I wonder where they got it from. Why do we just live our lives with this idea that being a coward is okay? Why do women feel like they can’t “handle” certain things or does it make them more appealing to men?

I get their fears, I really do but why do we let fears rule our lives? Why can’t we empower ourselves and not look for someone to empower us? Why do we raise our daughters to be self proclaimed “Cowards” instead of teaching them to be leaders, heros, and just strong women.

We need more strong women and not women who are comfortable with the label of “coward”.

Yet, I know many strong women and I’m proud to know them. I just wish there were more. History is full of amazing women, even Islamic history.

People out there, help our daughters, wives, sisters, friends and family members change the word coward to strong. Let’s see where that takes us.

Conversations

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I have been having a lot of conversations lately but not with people. Well, not with a person that is with us today. The person I have been talking to is my unborn child. 

We have talked about love, life, why people act the way they do, family and why people call each other mean names and let me tell you, my child is smart. Or so I have decided in my head. 

I can’t wait to meet this little person and I can’t wait to be a mom. I hope some of these conversations come to life in the future. 

The countdown begins. Almost to the finish line. 

Hurry up, little one. Hurry up. 

This isn’t a love story.

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It’s a story non-the-less but it isn’t your typical love story. 

That is the line in my head. I don’t know why it is stuck there but it sure is. I have been reading a lot of entries on love InshAllah‘s website lately and I guess I just wanted to discuss it. Share with someone what I have read, learned and been enlightened by. This last post has caught my eye, my mind and my heart. It resonates with me on a very deep level. I felt what the writer felt and I shared her fears. 

I know where she is coming from and I know where it ends. It makes me realize that this just doesn’t happen to me. Other people have been through this, feel this and understand this. This isn’t a story that is unique to me and my family but people across the world have experienced it. 

And the amazing part is, we all have survived. We made it through and created our own stories, families and lives. It’s amazing how resilient a person can be. 

A tale of two cities

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Now, I know I’m using a title for a book but it’s fitting to describe the night I had. 

I have been suffering from a stomach bug for the past day and night. I feel like a balloon with too much air in it that just needs to pop. (Yes, I realize that I am pregnant and I’m already ballooning out but this is worse!)  I couldn’t stay in bed anymore so, I wondered into the living room to read, surf the net and moan in pain. In between bathroom breaks, my neighbors were also awake. 

Except, they weren’t awake because they also had a stomach bug but because they decided that 5 am is the perfect time to argue. The woman was screaming at the top of her lungs about what this guy had done to her and he was calmly talking back to her. It went on for quite some time and then stopped. I had a couple of more bathroom breaks during this time only to come back to more shouting. 

I wondered what I could do? Here I was, in pain. Trying to get through this night and they were also in pain. A different kind of pain. I wanted to say something, call the police, call someone but who? I feel so helpless in these situations. How do you offer someone in the middle of the night help without them lashing out at you. 

So, I just listened. Took some more bathroom breaks and dealt with my own pain as best as I could. Sometimes,  you just have to handle your own pain. 

Dear Taxi Driver

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Can I call you Taxi driver? because I don’t know your name. There has been so many and honestly, why learn your name when our time together is so short. Why bother? All I want to do is get from point A to point B. No, I don’t want to hear about how you get ripped off by “Non-Jordanian Arabs”, how you think I should walk to my destination because it’s good to “exercise”, or how a short trip lasts 30 minutes when it should only take 10 minutes, or how you just can’t go there because it’s too “busy”.

Well, I have a news flash for you. I will no longer need your services. I got my own ride now and I don’t have to deal with your issues anymore. I can happily listen to whatever station I want. Sing at the top of my lungs. Talk on the phone without being eavesdropped on and not questioned about how I look “foreign”

It feels good to be free from your evil clutches. I’m ready for this new adventure. 

So, take care or don’t. Just stay out of my way!

Best,

Samar 

Lunch

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The other day I was walking home and I passed two ladies sitting at a restaurant. One older woman and the other was younger. I’m assuming they were mother and daughter. It made me miss my mom. 

I miss having lunch with her at panera. I miss her coming to visit me when I lived out of state and doing fun activities together, like the farmers market, checking out cool places around town. I miss our phone conversations. 

There are moments when I wish my mom lived here, in Amman. Because there are various things that happen around Amman that only my mom would want to go with me. Like garage sales. Now, I usually don’t enjoy them but sometimes you find good deals. At least my always did. Sometimes, when I go shopping and I pass a store that just screams “Mom” to me. It would be the place my mom would love and find all these weird yet oddly useful things inside it. She was always hunting for a good deal. I, sometimes, send her a photo message with good deals that I have gotten. I want her to be proud of me and share these moments with me even if she can’t be here in person. 

These moments make me wish there wasn’t this huge ocean between us. That we only lived a couple of hours away not countries away. Yet, I know that she is with me when I look at my good finds or some of the things she helped me purchase when I first got married. 

So, mom. Let’s have lunch. Just you and me. Somewhere, somehow. 

Impatience

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I have come to the realization the other day that I am one impatient person. Now, don’t judge just yet. It’s not everything to makes me impatient…it’s just certain things. Like, this kid. I want to meet my baby and I don’t want to wait 9 months to do that! Except, I really don’t want the baby to come early…I just want time to pass very quickly. 

I have endless amounts of patience with kids and people and various situations in life. Like waiting in line, making food or helping kids grasp various concepts while teaching. So, it just seems odd when I can’t seem to wait for other things. Like my kid and getting everything ready for the kid and making sure I am ready for the kid. Mr. Chemistry is not like me, he has endless patience in every aspect of his life. He just doesn’t understand the urgency I have to buy a bassinet, car seat, clothes, dresses, bath tub, blankets, and other things this kid will need. We are trying to meet half way, I did buy the bassinet, car seat, and various cute clothes. So, we just have a couple of other things left. 

I’m sure I will be a little sad when the baby comes because I can no longer keep the baby safe inside of me and I have to expose the kid to this cruel world but for a little time I can keep them close and shelter them from the realities of this world. I’m sure I won’t be hoping my baby grows up too fast..that is one area I am looking forward to enjoying with endless amounts of patience.