Forgive and forget

The concept of forgiving comes up a lot when discussing various relationships. 

It’s important to forgive but never forget…or it’s important to forgive your spouse…and so on. 

but what is forgiveness?  Is it when we absolve a person of all wrong doing towards us…or when we say sorry and make it all better..or is it when we forgive ourselves for being human or is it between ourselves and Allah. Does the other person need to know? Should we share? Or do we get to keep it to ourselves….because isn’t forgiveness about finding closure with what has happened. Is it important for the other person to know that we have forgiven them? or does it depend on the situation. 

When does the forgiving part become more about us than the person? Why does it sometimes feel like when someone forgives you for whatever offense you have committed that it’s more about them being the bigger person and not about them accepting you for who you are. I feel like we blur the lines between self satisfaction of being the bigger person and actually forgiving someone for the sake of Allah.

Okay, so we forgave but then what? What happens then? Do we just continue our lives as normal, do we share with everyone who will listen what happened and how we forgave this person for whatever offense they have committed. Isn’t the forgiveness part about keeping it between you and the said person? I mean, why do we need to share? If this issue is about forgiving and not about being the bigger person….

But Ah! That is the issue…sometimes forgiveness is about being the bigger person…and showing off. Because aren’t we all a little show offs in the end? Don’t we want to be recognized by someone for our actions. 

I might be wrong but then I might not be. I just know that when I forgive…I don’t tell people about it, maybe the person concerning but I don’t think I need to share with the world. It’s between me and you…not me, you and the world. Just my 2 cents. 

How do you measure forgiveness and do you forgive? 

28 years and counting

I have recently turned 28. Yep, I’m getting older and closer to 30 (Yikes!) I’m not sure what scares me more…the fact that 30 is so near or that I don’t feel like I accomplished all that I wanted before 30. 

But in birthday tradition (a little late this year). I want to share 28 things I am thankful for. 

1. Allah 

2. Mr. Chemistry

3. Viber

4. Friends

5. Summer time

6. my home

7. My family

8. baking

9. my computer

10. being strong

11. laughter

12. stories

13. my kindle

14. books

15. Memories

16. Photography

17. My students

18. Beautiful Jordan

19. America

20. Air Planes

21. Tears

22. the world wide web

23. Ice cream

24. love

25. Jokes

26. the future ahead

27. Movies

28. the ability to laugh at myself

This list has changed over the years. I’m not the same person I was last year or the year before…but some things haven’t changed. Check out the old birthday posts, here, and here

Bring on the 28! 

I prefer a broken neck…

I love def jam poetry and this is one of the most powerful ones I have seen. I think we sometimes forget that nothing can replace time spent with our children and the love we give them. 

Some people just don’t seem to get that. 

 

I hope to be a good mom someday…InshAllah. 

What are we teaching our kids?

This question has been popping up a lot lately. “What are we teaching our kids?” I have been noticing that I have had a lot of issues with my kids lately.

I have had kids repeating what their parents are saying but not only that using threats to get their way which makes you wonder what is being said at home.

but it’s not just something I see at school, in other places as well.

Today, Mr. Chemistry and I were out to lunch and in came a mother, 2 boys and their maid (I mean, come on…she has 2 kids!) Anyways, they sit down…order and the mom gets a phone call. She says something to the lady on the line about coming to her house…or something (yes, I was eavesdropping) and then gets up, goes to her car and drives off. Doesn’t say anything to the maid, waiter or the kids. Just. leaves. without. the. kids. LEAVES! 

but the thing that kills me the most was the kids didn’t even notice. It’s like who cares? She left? The kids were young, too. I would say between 7 and 10. I just can’t imagine ever leaving my children in a restaurant without saying a word to the staff or the help or just LEAVING them. Period. 

What is this mother teaching her children? Mommy doesn’t care? She has more important things to do? Why would we want to teach our children that?

Why?

I wish I knew. 

Having children is a privilege not a right, a gift from Allah that not everyone is blessed with and like all gifts they should be cared for, treated with respect and above all we should thank Allah for giving us this gift, not throwing it away. I hope I never forget that. 

I’m funny.

My kids melt my heart every stinking day. There are days when I just want to give up but then days like today and this past week that make you think “Yep, I can do this.” 

Yesterday one of my kiddos commented after I dropped the bottle of hygiene and made a funny face that I am funny and should have my own show. The rest of the kids chimed in and decided that it would be “Samar’s funny show” Yes, my kids are creative (What about it?) Which makes me think, I do make a difference and hey…7 year olds think I’m funny! Which I have announced to the world, btw. I tell Mr. Chemistry this all the time and now I have proof! 

Who doesn’t want to be funny?

 

 

7 year old logic

A couple of days ago, I was having some issues with my kiddos at school. They started this bad habit of erasing on their chairs and keeping the shavings. It got to the point that they would sit on the edge of the chair, leaning toward their erasing and erase with their hand sort of behind their backs in a way only a 7-year-old can do. I usually caught them and made them throw out their hard work. (Yes, I’m cruel.) The other day it just became too much to handle and I decided to have a little chat with the kiddos about it.

I explained that we should not waste our parents money by erasing and the fact that Allah gave them talents and that they should not be wasted on this kind of thing. I also threatened with the infamous “black dot” on our behavioral charts. 

So, one of my biggest perpetrators of this issue got on board with my chat and was telling me how he had missed half the work we were doing because he was too busy erasing, how they knew that their parents didn’t want them to do this, it’s a waste of time and it has no purpose. So, I thought “Hey, you got through to them! Way to go!” with a mental pat on the back.

Boy, was I wrong.

Not minutes after I finished my talk, did they start sharpening all their pencils and kept the shavings. They then informed the Arabic teacher that Ms. Samar told us that we can’t erase anymore but she didn’t say anything about sharpening. I’m sure their logic was “Well, my pencil needs to be sharpened and it’s not wasteful!”

It just made me laugh, because it’s so true. I just love how their little minds work. I love that they find ways to work around a problem instead of just giving up. I just wish they applied this same logic to their studies. I’m sure they will, someday. 

Until then, they will find ways to work around my “rules”. 

3 generations.

3 generations of women sat around the table making stuffed grape leaves. It was a labor of love and family togetherness. This was the scene at my grandma’s house a couple of nights ago. My grandma, aunt and myself all sat around making stuffed grape leaves for a lunch I was hosting. My aunt and grandma telling me to put less rice, roll more tightly or that I was doing a great job and catching on well. It was a labor of love on their part and I got stuffed grape leaves to show off to my guests and eat, of course.

It is so wonderful to have these moments with my family. I feel like knowledge is imparted over a shared activity that can’t be given any other way or time. Advice on the best way to make the dish, advice on how to cook it and not just that…it’s a time to share stories. My grandma talked about traditions and how “other” people make the same dish. We laughed about stories that everyone shared. Discussed the latest news in the family and of course caught up on the latest Turkish soap operas.

I still believe that nothing tops my grandma’s cooking but I can learn. 

I cherish these moments with my family, it’s a powerful experience. I just wish I remembered to take pictures. 

 

 

I want…

I have been thinking about a the use of the words “I want….” We use it a lot as humans. We are constantly wanting something. From more time, more sleep, more money and the list goes on…So, I took it to facebook and asked what people wanted. 

These are some of the answers I got:

“To sleeep zzzzzzz”

“a winning lotto ticket!!”

“Me to come and see you” – this was from my cousin. Kinda made me sad and miss my family in the US just a little more. 

“To be comfortable in life “

Which got me thinking to what I want and there is so much but I think the most important thing I want is to be close to Allah and please Allah. I think it all comes down to that. Because money comes and goes, time is something we can learn to use more wisely and the rest is just stuff. 

So, what do you want?

 

Holiday Season Observations

We just passed one of the biggest holiday seasons, including Christmas, Eid, Thanksgiving and New years. I know people are gearing up for valentine’s day (Yuck) but that is a post for another day.

And I have made some observations. Now, I have seen Christmas in the US and I have seen what a huge deal  it is from families, retail stores and friends point of view but nothing compares to the shock I got in Jordan. 

I guess, it’s the first time in years that I have seen how much Christmas has impacted Jordan. I haven’t really been here around Christmas time since my early childhood  but now as an adult I see it in a different light or maybe it’s more mainstreamed now. 

I remember some of my Moms friends having trees, and seeing trees around town..but nothing like I see now. I also remember attending a christmas bazaar that was also attended by the American Ambassadors wife! Yes, the things you remember. I don’t remember shops having signs like they do now or ads…but then again…there weren’t malls in Jordan back then. (Yes, I feel old.)

I have never seen so many stores that put up decorations, sales, gift ideas and all kinds of promotions during this time. Jordan is changing and becoming a more diverse country and catering to that diversity which is cool…but on the flip side, why don’t they make this big of deal about Eid, Ramadan and other Islamic holidays? Or maybe I’m too desensitized to the Islamic Celebrations that I don’t notice. I don’t believe that is the case, though.

Here is why: This past Ramadan, I got to spend some time in Jerusalem during Ramadan, actually, the last couple of days of Ramadan and what I saw was amazing. Decorations all around the city for Ramadan, people being generous and just a great feel for Ramadan in the Holy Land. Homes around Al-Aqsa open to people praying to wash up, cool down and even offering hot tea. It was magical but then I come back to Jordan and it’s a completely different vibe. It just feels flat here, no excitement, no enjoyment just obligations. 

So, when Christmas came around. I noticed that a lot of local businesses had ads up, were asking people to come decorate their x-mas trees with them. Sent out Christmas greetings but these same businesses didn’t bother for Eid. Now, they could be Non-Muslims but some are….which doesn’t make sense to me. Why do we so willingly celebrate other people’s holidays but forget our own? Okay, maybe we can argue that people are secular Muslims but then why would they wish people a Merry Xmas and forget to wish a Happy Eid to other people.

In the end, I think times have changed and Allah knows what the world will be like when I have my own children. I just hope that I can guide them to the best path. InshAllah. 

Now, for people who want to complain. I am a Muslim from a Catholic mother and  a Muslim father. I wish my mother Merry Christmas every year and yes, I buy her a gift. (I got her something super cute this year, btw!) Why? because is my mother and as  Muslim I am taught to respect and love my parents regardless of their religion.

If you have nothing nice to say…

then keep your mouth shut! 

Yes, that was harsh but so were some words I heard the other day from a co-worker. Growing up, my mom constantly drilled it into our heads. “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all” over and over again. I didn’t and still don’t always follow that advice but I do try to do my best. But it seems like in the Arab culture, if you have a comment. Make it. You think someone is fat. Tell them. You think the cake has too much cinnamon, tell the baker. You think the food is salty, let the cook know. You want to know why someone isn’t pregnant, ask because that isn’t a personal choice. 

You have nothing nice to say, say something negative. Because why keep it back? No one would get hurt. Oh, wait. Yeah, people do get hurt. Some comments do hurt. Some comments aren’t neccassary. Some people really just shouldn’t comment. 

But on the flip side, honesty is important and I’m an advocate for it…but a little flowery language goes a long way. I guess it’s one of those no win situations. Another piece of wisdom from my mom is “You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t” 

So, in the end. I just need to let comments roll off my back. Yet, I am human and I can’t let everything roll. Sometimes, it hurts and sometimes you just gotta cry. 

Hey, I am human, after all.